i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
