Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
