I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
