Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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