Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
