bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
