im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
