Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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