I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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