They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
