I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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