My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
