I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
