Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
