So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
