I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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