I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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