he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize