whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
