The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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