He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
