We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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