Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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