The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
