Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
