Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
