'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
