i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
