I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
