remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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