she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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