So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
