So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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