Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
