Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
