I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
