at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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