I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
