I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
