Please, let me fuck your mom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you win again, gameday.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
