Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
