Umm I'm too high to move.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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