I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
