Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Randomize
