it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
