i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
