I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
