so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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