Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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