my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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