I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
