walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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