He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
