cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
