it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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