The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
