i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
