There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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