The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
