Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
