I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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