Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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