The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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