I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
