Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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