This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
