So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
