i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
