I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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