Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
