You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Shame - the story of my life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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