i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
