Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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