i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
